What Gets Me Through - My Kiddos
Sunday, October 7, 2012 at 9:22AM 
As I was writing this post in my head yesterday, the working title was, “What Get Me Through - Nothing”. It was a bad day. I had a highly emotional encounter Friday night that caused me to spend way too much time dwelling on the events of the last six months. Yesterday I was on autopilot and tears erupted here, there and everywhere.
At one point some friends were encouraging me, “You’re going to get through this. You’re stronger than you know!”
I don’t believe that.
I don’t believe I am strong. I’m just doing what has to be done because there are no other options. No other options because of these three beautiful blondes. 
They need me. They need me to be competent, sane and aware. They need me to get out of bed and go to work and then come home and take care of them. They need me to hold them when they cry and to cheer them through the amazing accomplishments of their days.
It’s a privilege that I get to do so.
It’s a privilege and a huge responsibility. So I have to take care of myself and not slip into despair. That means I make sure I get enough sleep. I eat when I don’t want to. I smile when I don’t feel like it. I set my pride aside and ask for help from all kinds of places. I find ways to meet the needs they have that I can’t provide for.
I work towards forgiveness because that’s what I want them to do. I keep to a routine when I would rather not because they need the structure.
I demand that chores and homework get done when it would be easier to excuse it because we all need to realize that life goes on. We can not let this time become an excuse for failure in the future. I do not know what I would do without them.
Going through old pictures to find some for this post was hard. Every picture taken up through this summer show a family that does not exist anymore. A reality that is forever altered. We have lost so much. Losses worthy of mourning.
However, “Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b)
I hang on to that promise. For me and for them.
We’re gonna get through this.
Not only that, but we are going to be better people on the other side. People with greater empathy, stronger spirits and the knowledge that with God’s help we can conquer anything.
Right?
Right.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go wipe my tears, wash my face and go sand the damn walls in my bathroom.
Also?
I love you all. Thanks for hanging in there with me. If you only knew the comfort and encouragement that my invisible cheering section provides me …
Reader Comments (24)
I know that leaning on your faith, family, and friends are the only way to get you through this. There are still prayers coming from Michigan for you and your family. Also, can't wait to see those professional pics that were taken the other day. A fresh start.
I cannot speak to what you are going through. But I will continue to pray with you to the other side.
This was a great post. And you are so right. Hang in there for that someday when things are easier for you.
Great post. They are amazing kids and are so blessed to have you. I'll bet you are at the top of their, "what gets me through" lists.
Mindee,
Hang in there, and yes, you can do this. I've been through it with 4 youngs ones and made it through. Wish you lived in Pennsylvania-we'd be best buds!
I wish you could feel us physically holding your hand. And praying for the other side.
I was writing this big long paragraph, but then I decided to just write this: I cried. And then I laughed at the end. I think you're a great person, and I wish I could hug you in real-life. I love you, friend.
I've been following your blog now for a while, but just as an observer. However...this last post compelled me to comment. You are a true source of inspiration to so many of us out there. Thank you for honestly sharing your emotions and being unafraid to be real. I'm continuing to pray for you!
You will get through this. You seem like an awesome woman and your kids appear to be wonderful. Though I can't speak for your situation currently, I know this: Life is hard sometimes,and it throws bad things at you from time to time but God is bigger than all of it. You will get through this. I'm so grateful that you have your faith, I can't imagine how people get through without it.
Its a phase, hold on.
You are so strong i admire u so much:)
Hugs to you :)
I don't know you in 'real' life. I've never been through exactly what you're going through. But I'm here, wishing you well, and praying for you.
I am a strong believer that when life is tough, just the act of gertting out of bed & getting on with things is a show of strength. So, you may not feel strong, but you are proving otherwise. Keep on keeping on--you are in my prayers.
Mindee,
You've been on my mind and in my prayers. I'm sure there is no way for any of us to know the exact pain you are going through, but know we are all cheering for you. Thanks so much for sharing. You are still so genuine, and I so admire you!
I love that you said damn!!! Made my day! ;-)
Right! It will get better. Many hugs, many prayers.
Sadness. That's all I can say. But you have a cheering section here in Alabama now. Should I chat "SAND THOSE WALLS!" or "SAND THOSE DAMN WALLS!!" ? I'm going with option 2 because it makes me smile. Always thinking of you and mentally sending you strength ......and a Mojito, or wine, or spiked coffee.
Your kids are awesome and so are you. Parenting while grieving is so incredibly hard. You described it so well how often you have to just force yourself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And some days will be harder than others... but eventually, the easier days will start to outnumber the harder days. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. XO
I think doing what needs to be done when is being strong. So you are : )
I think my first comment left out some important words....trying again!
I think doing what needs to be done when you don't feel like it, is being strong. So you are : )