What Gets Me Through
Sunday, August 19, 2012 at 8:56AM I thought that on Sundays when I’m not feeling lazy or distracted, that I’d share one of the biggest elements that is getting me through right now: scripture.
I’ve never been a big bible reader. I know the stories and could quote a verse or two, but I have never before hungered for scripture; craved it. In the last few months though, I can not get enough. There have been weeks where all books and magazines remained untouched on my night stand as I pored over God’s word trying to find something, anything, that would offer relief from the pain.
On my iPhone I have a list of scriptures on strength that I refer to often in moments when I’m in panic mode. On my iPad are pages of The Message bookmarked for easy reference. Different passages have bolstered me at different times and I’d like to share them with you just in case they speak to you too.
This first one is the most significant to me in this time. There was a night early on when I was lying on my bathroom floor with the door locked hoping the kids wouldn’t come up because I was in full on hysteria. I was sending desperate texts to friends (whom I really hope have since erased them!) begging for prayer. It was storming fiercely outside, yet two of those friends rushed over to my house and came up to my room. They literally peeled me up off of the floor and sat with me on my bed amidst piles of snotty tissues and held me while I sobbed. It was bad enough that they were discussing taking me to the E.R. for a shot of something but I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to scare my kids.
So they started praying.
I have never before felt the power of prayer like I did that night. As thunder roared and lightening flashed outside, these dear women put their hands hands on me and prayed me into calm. What stuck out the most in my mind, were the words Missy prayed over me from Psalm 46:
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
At that moment, I felt like the earth was giving way so the assurance that God is a refuge and my strength was the best news in the world for my soul.
I was able to regain some sense of composure. Enough to assure my children that I was a capable human and go to sleep while Christine stayed and watched over them.
A few weeks later, I was lying on my bed, my mind racing. I was going over every angle of my situation trying to figure out what I hadn’t tried yet, what I could try next, attempting to devise a plan that would fix everything. It was ridiculous, but I could not see that until I felt a voice in my head say, rather sternly, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Whoops.
So He is.
And I am not.
But man I sure like to try to be.
I looked up the phrase and found that it’s the end of the Psalm that Missy had prayed over me weeks before.
…He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
In the end, whom would I rather depend on? Myself, who had managed to screw things up badly enough to be in this position in the first place, or God?
God is the obvious answer, but you would not believe how many times I have had to refer back to this passage and tell myself, “Mindee! BE STILL!”
I’m hoping to master it before I am eighty.
Big D, God, What Gets Me Through
Reader Comments (14)
Be still...we all need to be reminded sometimes, Mindee...and I applaud you for sharing your grief with us. I have no idea how those without faith make it through some of the trials life brings us. Praying for you this morning as always :) and thanking God for your loyal, kind, intelligent and faithful earthly friends. :)
I love that passage myself... I admire your courage in sharing your story. I just know it will be of enormous help and comfort to many people!
I have also turned to those same verses during difficult times. Thank you for sharing :)
You are incredibly brave for sharing. I hope the ability to write it out brings you comfort. Thank God for your faith. I will be praying for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your pain, and what is getting you through. What amazing friends you have. Thank for the reminder to be still, I was just discussing this with a good friend this morning, she had the same wise words for me when I told her my anxiety is coming back full force. Hang in there sweet Mindee, I am so happy you have your faith, and people who can be there for you.
Praying for you, my friend. He WILL get you through, I promise. More importantly. HE promises!!! (hugs)
I appreciate you sharing this. I've never been a big bible reader either, thought lately I have started to crave it. I (luckily) haven't had any major tragedies happen directly to me just yet, however I've had a lot of close friends go through some very trying times in the past few years. When I get overwhelmed with the emotions and grief I have for other people, I often think of a saying my mom had hanging in our home: "Good morning. This is God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. I do not need your help. So, have a good day. I love you." Praying for all of you.
that night felt a bit like jesus' time here on earth to me because it felt like he literally stepped INTO space and time to hold his broken-hearted one. i will never forget his presence there. i really wish i could be there in 3 minutes like before. but, god is using your words in my life across the miles. how is it that i have moment to moment access to the treasure of his word yet so often am "too busy". god have mercy on me. whether we feel the way you did that night or not, we are all desperate. i pray for the grace to live that way every day. i love you!!! praying for you to continue to be still and know.
Thank you for your honesty.Reading this makes my heart ache for what you're going through. I continue to pray for strength and peace for your family.
How strong you are! Just being able to share this painful time in your life with your readers shows the depth of your strength. I am striving to do what you have done which is putting my life (the good and the bad) in God's hands. Thank you for sharing. You and your family are in my prayers.
I love that the passage He uses to speak to us later often comes through the words He used first. It happened to me, too.
I'm still praying, Mindee.
I'm glad you're writing again Mindee, glad you are finding comfort in God's word and finding blessings in the midst of great trial. I continue to keep your family in my prayers.
Punch to the gut and can't catch my breath grief--the only life preserver was verses of scripture I wrote out on cards and gripped in my hand to keep from falling apart. I carried them everywhere during that time. They needed to be tangible even if I'd memorized them. It was like holding onto a rope.
Oh Mindee, I have been so out of the loop in the blogging world that I have completely missed your rough time.
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through heartache. I have my own story, and I won't bore you with it here, but just know that I too, was in a very, very dark place at one time and felt the peace of God like a blanket. I've actually had a few times... my divorce and losing my sweet dad this year.
I am praying for you ...all of you that you will continue to find peace and God's comfort. It truly does pass all understanding.