I’m finding it’s best for my mental health if I don’t look to far into the future right now. As in, no further than tomorrow if I can help it. If I start to think about holidays or Reagan’s graduation or, heaven forbid, let myself go as far as weddings or grandchildren my chest seizes up and emotion overwhelms.
I’ve never understood the verse, “Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” before. I get it now. My whole life I have been a planner. I enjoy planning in my head far off trips, future celebrations, retirement destinations, my kids’ weddings … I like to think about the future and dream a bit.
Right now though the future is too uncertain. A big, misty void of unknown and unknown always feels scary. Why is that? For all I know, my future is going to be amazing; full of adventure and happiness. When faced with the unkown though, I always go to the worst case scenario. Do you do that too?
Really, imagining any future is wasted time. The truth is that the only day I am guaranteed is this one. It’s pointless to worry about far off events when I don’t know if they’ll ever occur or if I’ll even be here for them.
So I think about just today, or sometimes about just this hour. And I find that I notice more detail. I relish more about this moment. I appreciate time with my kids more because I’m not thinking about what to make for dinner next Tuesday or whether or not to have people over for the game or who is going to drive kids to two different locations at the same time with one car.
Details of the future are too overwhelming at present, yet somehow, when we get there the future is taken care of. I don’t know that this is a practical way to live long term, at least not for me but it feels good to give the responsibility of next month’s schedule over to God to take care of. It’s wise to avoid thoughts of next year when I have no earthly idea of what my life will look like then.
I’m just trying to trust that God does know and it’s all going to be okay.