It Won't Add A Single Hour To My Life
Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 7:27PM I’m finding it’s best for my mental health if I don’t look to far into the future right now. As in, no further than tomorrow if I can help it. If I start to think about holidays or Reagan’s graduation or, heaven forbid, let myself go as far as weddings or grandchildren my chest seizes up and emotion overwhelms.
I’ve never understood the verse, “Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” before. I get it now. My whole life I have been a planner. I enjoy planning in my head far off trips, future celebrations, retirement destinations, my kids’ weddings … I like to think about the future and dream a bit.
Right now though the future is too uncertain. A big, misty void of unknown and unknown always feels scary. Why is that? For all I know, my future is going to be amazing; full of adventure and happiness. When faced with the unkown though, I always go to the worst case scenario. Do you do that too?
Really, imagining any future is wasted time. The truth is that the only day I am guaranteed is this one. It’s pointless to worry about far off events when I don’t know if they’ll ever occur or if I’ll even be here for them.
So I think about just today, or sometimes about just this hour. And I find that I notice more detail. I relish more about this moment. I appreciate time with my kids more because I’m not thinking about what to make for dinner next Tuesday or whether or not to have people over for the game or who is going to drive kids to two different locations at the same time with one car.
Details of the future are too overwhelming at present, yet somehow, when we get there the future is taken care of. I don’t know that this is a practical way to live long term, at least not for me but it feels good to give the responsibility of next month’s schedule over to God to take care of. It’s wise to avoid thoughts of next year when I have no earthly idea of what my life will look like then.
I’m just trying to trust that God does know and it’s all going to be okay.
Big D, God, Weird, What Gets Me Through
Reader Comments (12)
This is so true and so so difficult. My brother who is 30 was diagnosed with leukemia in December. In one instant his life was forever different. He isn't a christian and I am but he is still so much better at taking it one day at a time. He got disappointing news last week. I immediately want to know plan a,b, and c as some way to falsely reassure me that this won't kill him. He just goes with plan a and doesn't allow worry abou what will happen if it fails rob him of his joy today. Lots to learn from my younger brother!
maybe you can look at it the way i have told my son to look at starting high school...this is your chance to reinvent yourself. be who you want to be, not who others expect you to be!
Exactly what I did when my ex husband and I initially separated. The physical pain was too much to bear sometimes and all I could do was focus on the here and now. Stay strong Mindy! You've already come so far.
Sometimes all we can do Mindee is just keep putting one foot in front of the other...one small step at a time.
Worry is such a hard thing to get a handle on, isn't it? I have that verse committed to memory and repeat it often! It is not cliche to say that God DOES know what the future holds and it IS going to be okay. You're right! I have found in times of great trial repeating that truth to myself helps a lot. God can do immeasurably more than we imagine. Keep finding joy in the small things and in time I think the way forward will become clearer and you'll have real peace. Hugs to you Sweet Mindee. !
As a fellow planner I have also discovered being too planned out does not allow room for the Lord's plan in your life... These days I plan for tomorrow, think about the rest of the week and leave it at that. (Unless it's lesson plans... then all bets are off!!)
Good post for me, who was just projecting doom and gloom into my future only last night.
I'm a worrier by nature, and immediately jump to worse-case scenario. This is something I have been struggling with as well. I spend a lot of time reminding myself that I'm not the one really in control of my future anyway, so what good does it do to worry? I think knowing that you aren't alone in your battles helps so much, so thank you for being so honest.
made me think of the quote from sleepless in seattle when the doctor asks tom hanks character what he is going to do and he answers "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long."
one step at a time. one moment at a time. as you know, that's kind of all i know to do since thinking ahead is my struggle. glad you can find beauty in the now.
I"m sending you a mental cup of coffee, and a glass of wine to go with it. and a hug! Or maybe substitute a glass of sparkling apple juice. I always feel like I'm a 12 year old celebrating new years eve when I drink sparkling apple juice. That was a good time.
And that makes me wonder . . .what odd comfort foods do you have? I'd love to hear about some of them. Especially since I dined for a week on your delicious chicken noodle soup recipe.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. One hour, one day at a time. Thinking of you!
His mercies are new every morning!
There is such wisdom in this post and yet I know it is that hard fought sort of wisdom that you have to keep grabbing onto hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute. I have no doubt that there is a future filled with blessings in store for you- we just don't know what that looks like yet... Hold on.