I Had A Long Night, Can You Tell?
Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 9:25PM I’m just going to be blunt here for a minute: My kids are smart. Like each and every person on the planet, all three have areas that are struggles for them but, for the most part, school is not one of those areas. To use the popular educational term, they are “gifted”.
Most of the time I am deeply grateful for that. They are so, so fortunate that they have the brains that they do. It opens up amazing possibilities for their futures and not a single one of us takes that fact for granted.
Then there are Parent Teacher Conference nights where I look at the parents of the “normal” kids and would trade places with them on the spot. Because, the thing about “gifted” kids is that they all seem to come with “gifted” parents. Parents who themselves are intelligent and love nothing better than to discuss their own intelligence and accomplishments and then go on about those of their kids.
“Well I see that Jack only got a 93% on this AP Calculus test. We’re a little disappointed. You know, I have an engineering degree from MIT and my wife serves on the School Board so we have really high expectations for Jack. I’m sure you’ve seen his standardized tests. He scored in the 99th percentile and we just really feel that this grade does not reflect his true ability. Is it possible that he is bored in your class?”
I can hear this entire conversation because all the teachers are crammed into the cafeteria at card tables and the parents are sitting in folding chairs across from them and there is absolutely no privacy. I try not to eavesdrop, but when the parent ahead of me is 12 minutes into what is supposed to be a 4-5 minute conversation I feel like I have a right to know just what is so darned important.
Nothing, as it usually turns out. Just parents wanting to have in depth conversations to reassure them about the true brilliance of their children.
Not me. I get in, I hear the good and the bad and make sure that whatever their grade might be that my kids are respectful of adults and other students and then I get out of there.
Because you know what? There are a lot of “gifted” kids out there. And not a single one of them is more important than the others. Each of them has a role to play in this life, but everyone’s role is important darn it. There isn’t a single thing about my children that entitles me to more time or attention than other parents or other children. My kid may end up being a lawyer some day, but show me a lawyer who can have an enjoyable life without a garbage man or custodian or mechanic or grocery clerk or … well you get the idea. The point is that a lawyer can not have an enjoyable life without all of those people. So they are important and so are their kids.
Plus they are all smart enough to figure out how to get out of conferences a heck of a lot faster than I do.
Reader Comments (13)
This is very true. And I am always so grateful for the people who do the jobs that most people wouldn't want to do. The folks who take care of the cleaning of our church building, for example, work constantly. And I know they take time to chat with one another, but they are the first people in the building and the last people to leave (different people, of course, shifts and all). They are there on the weekends, and they are taking care of the messes that people make all day, whether kids or adults. They clean up bathrooms and food and throw up. And I have personally witnessed them cleaning up the mess some poopy shoes made in one of the classrooms one day. This is just one example/establishment/job! You are very right...it's all important. Steven Curtis Chapman has a song that says:
"Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do"
I just love that song! It says just the same thing...and really it all matters because we ought to be doing what we do to honor and glorify God. :) That is sometimes easier said than done, ahem, like when I have a full sink of dishes and twelve loads of laundry waiting to be washed! haha!!
Amen sister!
don't even get me started because i might not be able to stop =o(
So true! It would be a difficult world to live in without all the people who do the jobs that are the most overlooked.
I remember hating those kinds of parents when I was a student...I can't imagine how much worse it will be as a fellow parent one day. I feel like they are similar to the parents who whine to coaches about their kid's amount of playing time on the team. I pray I will not be either kind of parent!!
You are a wonderful model for your kids.
UGH! I was at gymnastics tonight and there was a mom who went on and on and on and on about her "gifted"/ "advanced" kids who have all this "natural ability" yada yada yada. And although I'm not a judger because I totally get kids have their off days, I couldn't help but notice (probably because I was so annoyed with her bragging) that her kids weren't displaying any behavior boundries... at all. One of them was literally climbing the walls and running into the class she wasn't even in. But - they're gifted and advanced and oh so amazing that it is OK. Blech.
Mindee - you rock!
I love your perspective. Your kids are going to turn out great with a mom like you.
I think some parents need lots of affirmation when it comes to their parenting. In my experience, oftentimes underneath all the boasting, they have some some hidden anxiety or insecurity about their child. Sometimes imagined and sometimes real, but either way they need you as the teacher to confirm or denounce their worries.
And then some just like to brag.
The teacher needs to manage the time. If a person is running over the teacher needs to suggest an actual conference at a later date. It may sound a bit crass but when I taught kindergarten I always set my conferences up so the parent faced the door and could see people waiting. And I set a small clock over to one side of the table too-subliminal messaging and all that : )
Mindee,
I am one of those people who sits on both ends of that table. I am the teacher who only seems to get conferences with the parents of the students who are doing well, and let me tell you I really do not need to talk to them (is that bad to say?). The parents I want to talk to with the kids who do not do their work, who show complete disrespect and disregard for the rest of their classmates, and those who need a little extra help I never see. As the parent on the other side of the table I am quite concerned when my child doesn't do as well as she "should" (in my opnion). However, I do not go around asking if my child is bored in the class, TOO STINKIN BAD if she is. Life is full of less than ideal situations and she is going to have to learn to live with it at some point in her life, why not at the age of 6. I get SO SICK of the parents who do not see that we have 26+ kids in all of our classes and that it is our goal that all kids succeed and learn. I am sorry, but I am going to take more time and pay more attention to that kid who is on the cusp of learning it but needs an extra push a lot more than that kid who is finished early, understood it, and could be silently reading a book right now (or some other prearranged activity that I always have going). Sorry, rant over! Have a great day!
As a teacher, the thing that bugs me most are parents who believe their kids are "special" because they are smarter than the general population. Why in the world do we want to give any kid the idea that they are better and someone else is worse? This is the type of mentality that creates entitlement in a kid...and something in me revolts against it.
I was a bright kid. But my ability leaned more toward the arts than mathematics. So if you measured my intelligence in a trig class, I'd suck. Maybe those deficiencies are to keep us humble?
My retarded kid isn't worth any less than those helicopter parents' gifted kid. Odds are he's actually a better person than all three of them.
First of all, I have a daughter who is extremely bright but is dyslexic so school was a challenge. the other daughter is also bright but and in all "gifted" (honors/AP classes) and traditional style education comes easy to her... That is all that means in my book... I too was "gifted" and so was my husband... That means very little in adulthood, other then possibly being more "aware" and "informed" then some may choose to be...
My daughter's new husband is also extremely bright and is currently studying to be a pastor... In order to do this full time and take care of my daughter he started his own business, collecting trash! He is very humble and doesn't have the pride issues the kids you described above will have... He is able to work three morning a week and make over $40,000 a year while going to school full time... Without humility he would not be willing to do this...
I got the chance to be on the other side of this the other day when an irate mom showed up at the end of the school day to demand to know why her son failed his unit test... I told her, that clearly he didn't study, but this wasn't good enough for her. I now know his IQ and a bunch of other info that is in no way relevant to his F on his test... Somehow this F HAD to be my fault... Maybe the test was poorly written (it wasn't written by me but by the publisher of my curriculum AND four kids got a 100 on it so it couldn't be that), or it MUST be my teaching... She never stopped to consider for a second that it might just be that her little genius didn't study for the test.
Thank you for being a good mom and keeping things in perspective!
my sister was in a school discussion with parents who were upset that the gifted program was considered "special education" because their exceptional children would be categorized with "special needs" children and that ought not be. annoying. as always, i love your perspectives.